07/03

-Could you please being so fucking polite’ it’s making me sick -

-What do you mean? -

-This… you’re trying to forget me, and this is how things will never work -

-Still don’t know what you mean -

-You’re supposed to be there for me. I haven’t heard from you in days, even weeks, and now we’re here, and you’re like nothing -

-You haven’t told me yet why I’m being so fucking polite -

-‘Cause it’s really polite from you not spit it on my face -

-Then I’m not being polite, I’m being stupid -

-See? You’re doing this again -

-Doing what? -

-Ignore what I’m saying. You’re changing things, you’re… changing. And you know I can’t deal with changes -

-Yeah, but I dealt with you over 9 months, I dealt with everyone of your compulsions, with your anger, your pain, and now you must deal with this -

-Deal with you leaving me behind? -

-You’re just a memory, just a friend. That’s all you are right now -

-I’m not your friend, your friends get a better treat than I do. Im just your past, am i? -

-Truth be told, yeah, you are. But I still can’t help but dream with you -

-And that’s why you don’t need me at day? ‘cause you dream with me at nights? -

-When did I say I didn’t need you at days? -

-You do need me still? -

-I do, but there’s the difference. I don’t need my friends, so this turns you into something else but a friend -

-You need your past? Is that what you’re telling me? -

-No. I don’t need it. And either you do. -

-So I’m not your past, or your friend -

-I want you to be just my friend. Missing you is no longer a good choice -

-But you don’t need your friends, and I’m not used to it -

-Yeah… that’s the problem. I never needed my friends, I rarely miss them. I always needed you, still do, and always missed you, and you got used to it, because it had been a long time of me following you everywhere, having you every time I was alone, cause I didn’t want to be alone, I just wanted you, and still do, but we cant, so… you just need to get use to the fact that you’re just that, my friend, or at least I want that, so I’ll treat you like that, a friend, and of course, you’ll feel like I have forgotten you, because I won’t call, or text, or love, or… nothing. Just nothing, you’ll have nothing to hold onto, nothing to touch with your hands, nothing to kiss, and you’ll feel like that, I know you will, ‘cause when people get used to something, they later can’t remember how it was not having it, and you got used to me, and now that I’m not here, with you, for you, you miss me. And this will last, longer than what you think, until you realize this is being my friend, this is just being that… just staying there, missing me, checking onto your cellphone for calls, texts, opening your eyes at 3 a.m., waiting for me to climb over your window, waiting for me outside of your high school with chocolates and Gatorade, waiting for me to be sitting outside your door, waiting for me to kiss you when your sleeping, just waiting, and missing, and waiting, and realizing how damn much you need me, more than what you ever told, and how not having me is the most difficult thing ever, because I’m something you wanted in your life forever, I’m someone you wanted to live with, the one you dreamed of having a life with, I’m the one you thought would marry you, and the only one who made you settle down, the only one you loved, the only one who was there at Christmas, birthdays, and made you feel at home, the one who pulled you out of your biggest depressions, the one who sat there for hours on end, watching you strike matches, and smoking, and writing over your wall, and the one who took care of you when you had your Od’s, the one who drugged with you, the one who loved you, the one who thought it would last forever, but didn’t. And I’m the one you’ll ever wait…but will never be -

-So that’s how you’re feeling… -

-I’m just being polite -